Eavesdropping at the Golden Corral

A while ago, the lovely bride, the child and I stopped at....The Golden Corral, for dinner. For those of you not acquainted with the Golden Corral it is basically a feeding trough for humans. It is an all you can eat bland food extravaganza and the child loved going there at the time. It is also a gathering spot for all things redneck.
I'm not saying that's necessarily bad but it is sometimes humorous.

On this particular evening we were seated next to a couple that was trying to console an obviously distraught young lady. I say obviously distraught, because she was crying loudly and blowing her nose in her napkins repeatedly. The couple that was with her kept making "there there" noises and telling her that "he weren't good enough fer you anyway honeypot".
Honest, I wasn't eavesdropping but the loud wails coming from less than 5 feet away were impossible to ignore.

Honeypot: I shouldn't have come here (Golden Corral) Whenever Billy Jim Bob and I wanted to go SOMEWHERE REALLY NICE we always came here.

Me (silently): GOLDEN CORRAL??!!

Consoling couple: Did you come here often honeypot?
Let me note that I don't know if "honeypot" was the girls actual name or a Southern term of endearment. We're in the South, could have been either.

Honeypot: No not often, just for special occasions, like the anniversary of the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash. But every time we came it was special.

Consoling couple: Did Billy Jim Bob take you out often?

Honeypot: Yep we went out quite a bit but, usually we went somewheres where we could have a couple of drinks. So usually we would just drive through Burger King with a 6-pack.

Me: Thud, just fell off of the chair, choking so I don't laugh out loud.
Lovely wife glaring at me telling me not to make a scene.

I wasn't trying to make light of her obvious pain.
I was playing out the scene, in my mind, of me telling the bride "get all purteyed up darlin' we're going to the CORRAL tonight.
Then I thought of the Rog, elder bro, best bud Joe, n.o.c. or any other guy that I know trying to pull that one off...
Billy Jim Bob would have made a fortune in sales.

To top it off, as I am recovering from my fall the lovely wife and child point out to me that the couple behind us are shoving FISH into the woman's purse.
I look at the table behind us and seated are a couple that have brought a giant gold purse filled with nothing but ziplock bags.
When they paid for an all you can eat buffet they must have thought all you can eat for a month.
They were filling their baggies with fish, steaks, beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried okra, biscuits and anything else that struck their fancy. They must have made 20 trips to the buffet.
They would wait until the waitress had left the area open up the ziplock, slide the food off of the plate and put the ziplock into this giant gold purse.
And this didn't look like a homeless couple. They were both fairly well dressed and could certainly afford the gold carry on bag. And they left in a better car than I can afford.

I haven't been able to make it back to the corral since then. I came away with a bad case of whiplash from the double takes last time. The lovely bride and child giggle uncontrollably every time we drive past the Corral and both refuse to eat there now.
I was thinking of buying my wife a giant gold purse...but that is not to be.

I solemnly swear that this is a true story.
You just can't make this sh*t up.
And, I have witnesses.