As some of you faithful readers know, The lovely bride and I recently attended a funeral in Texas. Now, let me say first off that I have always avoided funerals. They are not happy occasions and quite frankly I don't like saying goodbye. I don't like leaving the High Falls Hilton and saying goodbye, so the permanent goodbye has been something that I have avoided whenever possible.
However this one was different.
Dwayne had given thought to how he wanted to be remembered. He had taken the time to write down and plan for everything. From the motorcycle that he wanted in the viewing room, to the leathers that he was wearing, the music being played, the route to the cemetery and how he wanted to be taken (on a motorcycle trailer). He took the time to make sure that he was remembered for the person that he was, not as the person that some unnamed funeral director thought that he should be remembered as.
What a final gift.
His family didn't have to really make any of those decisions that certainly would have been colored by grief. They never had to fall into the trap of letting a funeral home "make all of the arrangements" and "take care of everything".
He did that for them.
What a gift.
He let someone like me, that had had only met him once, really get a sense of who he was. He allowed his friends to be themselves in the midst of their grieving over a fallen friend. Most of his friends were bikers, he was in his leathers and they were in theirs. He rode with them in life and they rode with him and gave him an escort for their final farewell. One last ride with him...
What a gift.
He chose the music that was played at the cemetery, and evidently it was music that was recognised by his friends as being from him. No hymns, no hosannas, no bringing in the sheaves. Instead the Eagles, Steve Miller and Lynyrd Skynrd sang him on the way to his final ride. And his friends and family recognized that this was how he wanted to be remembered. No choir, no church group, instead fifty bikers, as bikers, with leathers and do rags softly singing Take it to the Limit. No recirculated pap, just a few songs that told the story of one mans life and the impact that he had on others.
From all accounts he was almost mythic. Ten feet tall, bulletproof, a force of nature, unforgettable. On their bikes, in their leathers, allowed to be themselves I learned about Dwayne. Quick to anger, quick to forgive, loyal to a fault, a prankster, a family man...one man that had known him for over 40 years told me "if you were his friend you were his f*cking friend, and he was yours". Real friends are hard to find.
I wish I would have known him better.
He made me think.
How do I want to be remembered? Do I really want my wife and family trying to figure out what to do and say?
I hear those songs now and I think of a man I never knew. I think about the friends that I met through his passing. I met some great people. If you can judge a man by his friends I missed knowing someone worthwhile.
And without ever knowing, he left me a gift by letting me get to be friends with some of his.
What a gift.
Finally, I did get my best gift from him. And he did know about this one.
I married his daughter....
What a gift.
Ride free Dwayne...you are missed by many.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Government double talk
Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of government. I am not a fan of bail outs and I believe that most politicians are such liars that if they told the truth their tongues would snap off in their mouths and they would choke to death.
That said, I read in the paper this morning yet another article that keeps me at a constant low state of rage against the government and politicians.
As most know, the South has been under a severe drought for the last several years. To combat this our local officials and the local electric and water monopoly (JEA) have spent millions of dollars running ads touting the benefits of water and electric conservation.
According to the local fish wrap JEA is now saying that those ads have worked TO WELL. Water use in Jacksonville is down nearly 1000 gallons per month per household and electric use is down also. A good thing you say, NO, now we are facing another rate increase because revenues are down BECAUSE OF CONSERVATION.
JEA is the only game in town, if you want electricity or water you have to be a JEA customer. In the last 2 years rates in Jacksonville have been increased 124%. The last increase was in October '08. Now we are being told that if we conserve they will just raise rates to match pre-conservation revenues!
This is absolutely outrageous!
This sh*t happens at every single level of government. When are the people in this country going to wake the f*uck up!
There are NOT 2 parties running government now there are only the REPUBLICRATS.
We as a people need to vote these sorry S.O.B.'s out of office and the sooner the better.
For the last several elections I have voted for 3rd party candidates whenever one was on the ballot. If no third party candidate is available I vote against the incumbent. People have told me that I am throwing away my vote.
Absolutely not, I have voted my conscience.
Unless we as the people of the United States wake up we deserve what we get.
That said, I read in the paper this morning yet another article that keeps me at a constant low state of rage against the government and politicians.
As most know, the South has been under a severe drought for the last several years. To combat this our local officials and the local electric and water monopoly (JEA) have spent millions of dollars running ads touting the benefits of water and electric conservation.
According to the local fish wrap JEA is now saying that those ads have worked TO WELL. Water use in Jacksonville is down nearly 1000 gallons per month per household and electric use is down also. A good thing you say, NO, now we are facing another rate increase because revenues are down BECAUSE OF CONSERVATION.
JEA is the only game in town, if you want electricity or water you have to be a JEA customer. In the last 2 years rates in Jacksonville have been increased 124%. The last increase was in October '08. Now we are being told that if we conserve they will just raise rates to match pre-conservation revenues!
This is absolutely outrageous!
This sh*t happens at every single level of government. When are the people in this country going to wake the f*uck up!
There are NOT 2 parties running government now there are only the REPUBLICRATS.
We as a people need to vote these sorry S.O.B.'s out of office and the sooner the better.
For the last several elections I have voted for 3rd party candidates whenever one was on the ballot. If no third party candidate is available I vote against the incumbent. People have told me that I am throwing away my vote.
Absolutely not, I have voted my conscience.
Unless we as the people of the United States wake up we deserve what we get.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Eavesdropping at the Golden Corral
A while ago, the lovely bride, the child and I stopped at....The Golden Corral, for dinner. For those of you not acquainted with the Golden Corral it is basically a feeding trough for humans. It is an all you can eat bland food extravaganza and the child loved going there at the time. It is also a gathering spot for all things redneck.
I'm not saying that's necessarily bad but it is sometimes humorous.
On this particular evening we were seated next to a couple that was trying to console an obviously distraught young lady. I say obviously distraught, because she was crying loudly and blowing her nose in her napkins repeatedly. The couple that was with her kept making "there there" noises and telling her that "he weren't good enough fer you anyway honeypot".
Honest, I wasn't eavesdropping but the loud wails coming from less than 5 feet away were impossible to ignore.
Honeypot: I shouldn't have come here (Golden Corral) Whenever Billy Jim Bob and I wanted to go SOMEWHERE REALLY NICE we always came here.
Me (silently): GOLDEN CORRAL??!!
Consoling couple: Did you come here often honeypot?
Let me note that I don't know if "honeypot" was the girls actual name or a Southern term of endearment. We're in the South, could have been either.
Honeypot: No not often, just for special occasions, like the anniversary of the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash. But every time we came it was special.
Consoling couple: Did Billy Jim Bob take you out often?
Honeypot: Yep we went out quite a bit but, usually we went somewheres where we could have a couple of drinks. So usually we would just drive through Burger King with a 6-pack.
Me: Thud, just fell off of the chair, choking so I don't laugh out loud.
Lovely wife glaring at me telling me not to make a scene.
I wasn't trying to make light of her obvious pain.
I was playing out the scene, in my mind, of me telling the bride "get all purteyed up darlin' we're going to the CORRAL tonight.
Then I thought of the Rog, elder bro, best bud Joe, n.o.c. or any other guy that I know trying to pull that one off...
Billy Jim Bob would have made a fortune in sales.
To top it off, as I am recovering from my fall the lovely wife and child point out to me that the couple behind us are shoving FISH into the woman's purse.
I look at the table behind us and seated are a couple that have brought a giant gold purse filled with nothing but ziplock bags.
When they paid for an all you can eat buffet they must have thought all you can eat for a month.
They were filling their baggies with fish, steaks, beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried okra, biscuits and anything else that struck their fancy. They must have made 20 trips to the buffet.
They would wait until the waitress had left the area open up the ziplock, slide the food off of the plate and put the ziplock into this giant gold purse.
And this didn't look like a homeless couple. They were both fairly well dressed and could certainly afford the gold carry on bag. And they left in a better car than I can afford.
I haven't been able to make it back to the corral since then. I came away with a bad case of whiplash from the double takes last time. The lovely bride and child giggle uncontrollably every time we drive past the Corral and both refuse to eat there now.
I was thinking of buying my wife a giant gold purse...but that is not to be.
I solemnly swear that this is a true story.
You just can't make this sh*t up.
And, I have witnesses.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Diffrent filters
Men and women have different filters. It has been said that men are from Mars and women from Venus, but I don't think that is the case. We just filter information differently. And we look at the world through two entirely different sets of glasses.
Face it we men just can't do sh*t right. Ask any woman, she'll tell you that men are nearly incapable of making even the simplest decisions.
For example, man and woman move into an apartment/house and immediately the woman will say something like " wouldn't painting the walls ecru, with a plum accent wall really help define the space". The man will grunt, scratch, think furiously, wondering if ecru is really a color or is she just f*cking with him and wonder who came up with idea that walls should be anything other than white anyway.
All we know is that we're getting ready to lose a perfectly good afternoon of football, painting walls a color that we never even knew existed.
And, what do you mean "define" the space. The whole house is defined. Kitchen, living room, dining room, den, bathrooms and bedrooms. Do we really need a definition?
Another example, we get a call from a friend who says something like "man I just totaled the car". Men assume, since we are receiving the call, that our friend did not die. The first words out of a woman's mouth are inevitably are you OK? The man's mouth, it wasn't the 69 Mustang was it...please tell me you were driving the Camry.
Just a different way of looking at things.
So please ladies remember that most of the time we don't have any idea what you are talking about. When you say everything's OK we foolishly think you mean that...everything's OK. We don't as a rule seek out the deeper meanings...we're pretty shallow or stupid...or something.
I think that the creator must have put infinite patience and nearly infinite forgiveness in women as a survival mechanism to ensure species survival.
How else can you explain the fact they put up with us at all?
Face it we men just can't do sh*t right. Ask any woman, she'll tell you that men are nearly incapable of making even the simplest decisions.
For example, man and woman move into an apartment/house and immediately the woman will say something like " wouldn't painting the walls ecru, with a plum accent wall really help define the space". The man will grunt, scratch, think furiously, wondering if ecru is really a color or is she just f*cking with him and wonder who came up with idea that walls should be anything other than white anyway.
All we know is that we're getting ready to lose a perfectly good afternoon of football, painting walls a color that we never even knew existed.
And, what do you mean "define" the space. The whole house is defined. Kitchen, living room, dining room, den, bathrooms and bedrooms. Do we really need a definition?
Another example, we get a call from a friend who says something like "man I just totaled the car". Men assume, since we are receiving the call, that our friend did not die. The first words out of a woman's mouth are inevitably are you OK? The man's mouth, it wasn't the 69 Mustang was it...please tell me you were driving the Camry.
Just a different way of looking at things.
So please ladies remember that most of the time we don't have any idea what you are talking about. When you say everything's OK we foolishly think you mean that...everything's OK. We don't as a rule seek out the deeper meanings...we're pretty shallow or stupid...or something.
I think that the creator must have put infinite patience and nearly infinite forgiveness in women as a survival mechanism to ensure species survival.
How else can you explain the fact they put up with us at all?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Belated Birthaday Munchies
Well another year has come and gone. The anniversary of the day of my birth was actually the 9th but, I had to work late so we decided to celebrate today.
The plan was, I thought, ribeyes on the grill, fresh asparagus with hollandaise sauce and baked potato with all the fixin's set off with a nice Casa Lapostolle Cabernet Sauvignon.
We had actually made the run to acquire aforementioned accoutrements and had in fact purchased them and loaded them in the 4-wheeled mode of transport when the lovely bride said that we had to make a run to Whole Paycheck...er Foods.
We browsed, we purchased the odds, the ends, fruits and stuff mainly and departed for the abode.
Around 7:30 I was summarily dismissed from the living quarters to the boudoir. I figured that lovely bride or MIL had snuck out to the store to buy a birthday cake and they wanted to "surprise" me when I exited the boudoir.
Instead I walked out to a munchie repast fit for a king (or at least some member of the ruling family).
The spread laid out before me was magnificent and I shall itemize here for YOUR benefit. After all you may want to partake yourself sometime....the lovely bride refuses to show the aftermath of the feeding frenzy so you will have to content yourself with the before.
Cheeses
1.) Doux De Montagne Brebis Pyrenees
2.) Vintage Dubliner aged 24 months
3.) Capricho De Cabra Peppered (goat cheese)
4.) Parmigiano Reggiano (best parm EVER)
5.) 365 organic Cream Cheese
Crackers (wafer thin)
1.) 34 degree Cracked Pepper Crispbread
2.) 34 degree Rosemary Crispbread
Salmon
Wild Caught and smoked in house
Wine
A very nice Baron Phillippe De Rothschild Pinot Noir
Background music
Bruce Becvar Time Dreams (highly recommended)
I was amazed at the different nuances in the wine that each cheese brought out...I am definitely turning into one of THEM.
My favorite was the Doux De Montagne Brebis Pyrenees followed by the goat cheese on a peppered cracker topped with salmon....
Oh SH*T i have to stop now before I get the urge to run out and buy a smoking jacket or start wearing an ascot.
Notice the placecards identifying each cheese.
Pooh (MIL) did the flowers with her own 2 little hands...for me... I knew I was special (and not in the short bus kind of way)
It was REALLY good...
Thanks baby.
We decided to do steak tomorrow....yea!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Who's in charge here anyway?
Sitting at the 'puter pondering which bit of inane drivel to put to page, when it hits me...the lovely bride just walked by asking the dog if she needed to go outside to "tink tink".
I realize at that moment that we really aren't in charge.
We have, living at the abode, 3 full time indoor cats, one full time pit bull, one full time squirrel, one full time outdoor cat and one part time indoor cat. That is on top of the humans that the critters have to cater to their every whim.
Dog walks to the door, casts a soulful glance in humans direction and human drops everything to attend to dogs needs.
Cat walks to litter box, sniffs disdainfully and human scoops out their poop, bags it, removes it to the nearest waste receptacle and rakes aforementioned poop box in pleasing to the eye zen pattern.
6PM, all critters in house congregate around humans, looking at us with limpid eyes. Letting us know through every ounce of guilt inducing body posture that they really are starving. They might not even have the strength to make it to their bowls unless we stop everything RIGHT NOW and rush them their favorite repast. We mix their food with water, just the right temperature, put it in their favorite bowl, place the bowls the correct distance apart and ONLY THEN can we resume with our lives.
Dog sighs, casts mournful look at human, sighs again then rolls on back. The meaning is clear, I need tummy scratched and can you please stop watching the game winning drive in the super bowl and scratch RIGHT NOW.
They even have their own bodyguards...dog tries to sneakily lick food off a plate on the coffee table. I yell at dog, doggie bodyguard (aforementioned lovely wife) tells me that I have hurt dogs feelings. One look at dog tells me this is true, head down big brown eyes looking at me reproachfully...I APOLOGIZE TO THE DOG!!! If wife isn't around mom-in-law takes over. They work in shifts, like the secret service.
Dog mopes away to next room, closes the door, and I hear hysterical doggie laughter.
I could go on, but one of the cats is telling me that the poop box isn't raked properly...
I realize at that moment that we really aren't in charge.
We have, living at the abode, 3 full time indoor cats, one full time pit bull, one full time squirrel, one full time outdoor cat and one part time indoor cat. That is on top of the humans that the critters have to cater to their every whim.
Dog walks to the door, casts a soulful glance in humans direction and human drops everything to attend to dogs needs.
Cat walks to litter box, sniffs disdainfully and human scoops out their poop, bags it, removes it to the nearest waste receptacle and rakes aforementioned poop box in pleasing to the eye zen pattern.
6PM, all critters in house congregate around humans, looking at us with limpid eyes. Letting us know through every ounce of guilt inducing body posture that they really are starving. They might not even have the strength to make it to their bowls unless we stop everything RIGHT NOW and rush them their favorite repast. We mix their food with water, just the right temperature, put it in their favorite bowl, place the bowls the correct distance apart and ONLY THEN can we resume with our lives.
Dog sighs, casts mournful look at human, sighs again then rolls on back. The meaning is clear, I need tummy scratched and can you please stop watching the game winning drive in the super bowl and scratch RIGHT NOW.
They even have their own bodyguards...dog tries to sneakily lick food off a plate on the coffee table. I yell at dog, doggie bodyguard (aforementioned lovely wife) tells me that I have hurt dogs feelings. One look at dog tells me this is true, head down big brown eyes looking at me reproachfully...I APOLOGIZE TO THE DOG!!! If wife isn't around mom-in-law takes over. They work in shifts, like the secret service.
Dog mopes away to next room, closes the door, and I hear hysterical doggie laughter.
I could go on, but one of the cats is telling me that the poop box isn't raked properly...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Just Stuff
It's not my fault this time...we were invaded by a pernicious virus that locked us out of all of our sites. And, unlike the niece, I can't blog at the salt mine. Big brother is watching. I tried to log on to blogspot and the e-mail Nazi's immediately pounced on my innocent attempt at blogging with HUGE YELLOW WARNINGS that I was attempting to access an UNAUTHORIZED SITE. They even FLASHED ON THE SCREEN...yellow background, red letters. I suppose this was to alert the casual passerby that I was engaged in in a HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE ACTIVITY.
Anyway lovely wife fixed the 'puter so now I can once again put my rum soaked musings on the page. As fate would have it, soaking my musings in rum right now.
Anyway I started to wonder, just who are the Nazi's that monitor corporate surfing. And , just what is it that casts an internet site into the FORBIDDEN category? The reason that I wonder is this....
As I make my rounds about the salt mine I notice that the WOMEN at the salt mine are all out on shopping sites. They are buying a multitude of HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE products. When I inquire as to why they would shop online, when we are 5 blocks from the mall, they will wax eloquent on the joys and savings of online shopping. These women save on everything.
They wax poetic about the savings on household products. They rhapsodize about the discounts on books and movies...walking by I even glimpsed (I think) someone ordering feminine protection (perhaps a pink Uzi??).
My question is this, are the Nazi's asleep at the wheel? How are there not FLASHING YELLOW AND RED ALERTS on every friggin 'puter in the office. Are these women perhaps more clever than I and figured out a way to bypass the internet Nazi's?
Since I have to fix their 'puters every time they lock them up, I think not.
I have to come to the conclusion that big brother is watching ME.
I am not one to buy into conspiracy theories but right now I am feeling a bit uneasy. I mean ever since the government cover up of Bush actually BLOWING UP THE TWIN TOWERS, I've felt a mite uneasy....
excuse me I have to go check all the door and window locks...
and make sure that we have plenty of canned goods...
and ammo...
Anyway lovely wife fixed the 'puter so now I can once again put my rum soaked musings on the page. As fate would have it, soaking my musings in rum right now.
Anyway I started to wonder, just who are the Nazi's that monitor corporate surfing. And , just what is it that casts an internet site into the FORBIDDEN category? The reason that I wonder is this....
As I make my rounds about the salt mine I notice that the WOMEN at the salt mine are all out on shopping sites. They are buying a multitude of HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE products. When I inquire as to why they would shop online, when we are 5 blocks from the mall, they will wax eloquent on the joys and savings of online shopping. These women save on everything.
They wax poetic about the savings on household products. They rhapsodize about the discounts on books and movies...walking by I even glimpsed (I think) someone ordering feminine protection (perhaps a pink Uzi??).
My question is this, are the Nazi's asleep at the wheel? How are there not FLASHING YELLOW AND RED ALERTS on every friggin 'puter in the office. Are these women perhaps more clever than I and figured out a way to bypass the internet Nazi's?
Since I have to fix their 'puters every time they lock them up, I think not.
I have to come to the conclusion that big brother is watching ME.
I am not one to buy into conspiracy theories but right now I am feeling a bit uneasy. I mean ever since the government cover up of Bush actually BLOWING UP THE TWIN TOWERS, I've felt a mite uneasy....
excuse me I have to go check all the door and window locks...
and make sure that we have plenty of canned goods...
and ammo...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
BIKE WEEK
Just back from a beautiful day at bike week, we did NOT win the truck or the bike. BUMMED, going to bed.
Will write something deeply inspiring (or not) tomorrow.
Will write something deeply inspiring (or not) tomorrow.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Very Tired
I have to limit myself tonight...just arrived at the abode, worn out from a day of two wheeled testosterone at bike week. There is actually a fair amount of estrogen flowing at bike week also, and beads fall from the sky like a cheap iridescent shower for any one that has cute "puppies".
We arrived late and we didn't get to people watch like we usually do. We are heading back tomorrow.
We registered to win a bike and a truck. The odds have to be better than lotto so everyone keep their fingers crossed. This is the bike we are hoping to win...
Just realized that daylight savings time hit so it's later than I think it is.... will blog more tomorrow....or today or whenever the heck it is.
Friday, March 6, 2009
the closet of plenty
I have decided that I may have to much in the way of attire. I'm not saying that I have attire that is in style, or even in this decade. But I certainly have to much in the way of attire.
This fact struck home this morning as I was preparing to leave the abode and foray out to the salt mine.
Now, those that know me know that I am a bundle of energy, always eager to leap into the next household chore....or maybe not.
Anyhoos, laundry is my favorite household chore....not.
The problem is this, my lovely bride and I usually have 2 rooms to hide away the masses of unwashed clothes. We do wash the stuff we have to, socks, undergarments, towels etc. but there never seemed to be a pressing need to wash say....shirts for work or pants for work.
When one gazes upon the closet of plenty there seems to be a never ending supply. However this morning as I climbed over the landfill of unhung clothes, to get to the hung clothes I realized a startling fact. I think that the pants I pulled down were actually the ones that I wore to Grad Night in 1978. And, as I frantically shuffle through the remaining shirts on the hangers I realize, with growing dread, that the most current clean shirt that I own is a Greg Norman golf shirt from around 1990.
Thank the Gods that today was Friday, I was able to wear jeans...and a 1990 Greg Norman golf shirt.
All day long the 20 something crowd was asking who Greg Norman is and why am I wearing a 4 color, line drawing of a shark.
Anyway I have come to realize that I do NOT actually have 30 pairs of pants in my closet. I have 4 or maybe 6 if I suck in my gut all day.
Nor do I have an endless supply of shirts. I can actually hear most of the shirts start to giggle when I pull one out for perusal.
I tried on a suit the other day and though I did manage get everything fastened I finally understood what a sausage must feel like, after being stuffed into a skin.....sigh.
It must be the fact that I am ever optimistic that keeps me from throwing out clothes that last fit me 20 years ago.
If I hold onto clothes long enough they may even come back in style. Although I haven't quite figured out how I would actually wear a pair of pants that I can only fit ONE leg into. There has to be a solution out there somewhere. In the meantime...
Good thing I love to do laundry....
This fact struck home this morning as I was preparing to leave the abode and foray out to the salt mine.
Now, those that know me know that I am a bundle of energy, always eager to leap into the next household chore....or maybe not.
Anyhoos, laundry is my favorite household chore....not.
The problem is this, my lovely bride and I usually have 2 rooms to hide away the masses of unwashed clothes. We do wash the stuff we have to, socks, undergarments, towels etc. but there never seemed to be a pressing need to wash say....shirts for work or pants for work.
When one gazes upon the closet of plenty there seems to be a never ending supply. However this morning as I climbed over the landfill of unhung clothes, to get to the hung clothes I realized a startling fact. I think that the pants I pulled down were actually the ones that I wore to Grad Night in 1978. And, as I frantically shuffle through the remaining shirts on the hangers I realize, with growing dread, that the most current clean shirt that I own is a Greg Norman golf shirt from around 1990.
Thank the Gods that today was Friday, I was able to wear jeans...and a 1990 Greg Norman golf shirt.
All day long the 20 something crowd was asking who Greg Norman is and why am I wearing a 4 color, line drawing of a shark.
Anyway I have come to realize that I do NOT actually have 30 pairs of pants in my closet. I have 4 or maybe 6 if I suck in my gut all day.
Nor do I have an endless supply of shirts. I can actually hear most of the shirts start to giggle when I pull one out for perusal.
I tried on a suit the other day and though I did manage get everything fastened I finally understood what a sausage must feel like, after being stuffed into a skin.....sigh.
It must be the fact that I am ever optimistic that keeps me from throwing out clothes that last fit me 20 years ago.
If I hold onto clothes long enough they may even come back in style. Although I haven't quite figured out how I would actually wear a pair of pants that I can only fit ONE leg into. There has to be a solution out there somewhere. In the meantime...
Good thing I love to do laundry....
Thursday, March 5, 2009
reality bites
OK I admit it, there are a few "reality" shows that are must sees at the abode.
First (I am ashamed to admit) is American Idol. After watching some of the intro shows, I can sit back secure in the knowledge that my shower time crooning isn't really all that bad. Hey I might not get a golden ticket but, with enough alcohol in the audience, people at least wouldn't be saying "what the hell was he thinking". After the finalists have been chosen I can sit back and judge the fates of those few brave souls that have the guts to go on stage in front of millions and be crucified by the judges.
They are pitchy, flat, nasally, have poor song choices and sing like an out of control drunk at a redneck wedding. If I had to do what those poor saps do I would be lucky to get A note out, much less a whole song. All the while knowing that the people deciding my fate are millions of couch potatoes that can't hit a note to begin with.
I am sure that during one show we are going to see someone have a total loss of bladder control.
And I will be entertained.
Morbidly, sadistically and completely entertained.
First (I am ashamed to admit) is American Idol. After watching some of the intro shows, I can sit back secure in the knowledge that my shower time crooning isn't really all that bad. Hey I might not get a golden ticket but, with enough alcohol in the audience, people at least wouldn't be saying "what the hell was he thinking". After the finalists have been chosen I can sit back and judge the fates of those few brave souls that have the guts to go on stage in front of millions and be crucified by the judges.
They are pitchy, flat, nasally, have poor song choices and sing like an out of control drunk at a redneck wedding. If I had to do what those poor saps do I would be lucky to get A note out, much less a whole song. All the while knowing that the people deciding my fate are millions of couch potatoes that can't hit a note to begin with.
I am sure that during one show we are going to see someone have a total loss of bladder control.
And I will be entertained.
Morbidly, sadistically and completely entertained.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
don't you just hate it
Well I've missed some time, I thought that driving more than halfway across the country and back WITHOUT A COMPUTER would buy me a little slack...but nooooo. Even if the drive was for a good cause (really crappy reason but a good cause). But, I have been informed otherwise so I'm back.
I just wasted about an hour and a half watching a REALLY bad movie. A movie that no one else has even heard of, a movie that the studio, after making it, said, oh the hell with it lets just put it out on DVD, maybe some sucker will rent it.
The reason that I got to watch this cinematic gem is simple, my mom-in-law thought that she was renting something else. She thought that she rented The Day The Earth Stood Still but what she actually rented was The Day The Earth Stopped. It stars....oh who the hell knows who it stars...a bunch of people that no one has EVER heard of and then those people have extras.
Everyone else in the house had the good sense to leave during the credits, but not me.
This might just be a hidden gem that only I will know about. Then after I have "discovered" this hidden masterpiece, I will be able to smugly recommend to my friends and family, thus gaining accolades for uncovering an Indie masterpiece.
Alas, this is not to be.
The movie is basically this...naked semi-hot alien chick lands on earth packing 666 big ass robots.
Earth bad, must wipe out earthlings before we spread out into universe, so we stop Earth from spinning around using aforementioned big ass robots. HUH???
Earth stops spinning, all big buildings, Ferris wheels and the Eiffel Tower fall down go boom.
Semi hot, now clothed, alien chick sees earth baby being born, decides that Earth people NOT bad, starts Earth spinning again. Earth people learn lesson??? not be bad anymore...THE END!!!
Minor issue here, aside from the fact that the aliens show up naked, semi-hot and looking COMPLETELY HUMAN (mascara and everything). Doesn't the rotation of the Earth keep shit DOWN?! If you stopped the Earth from spinning shouldn't the big buildings fall up?
Aside from the bad acting, the horrible script, the inane dialogue, "your planet has less than an hour to survive, your family is scared, you should be with them" (no shit that's really in there). The fact that the Earth is ending in an hour is a BIG SECRET. It is being held back from the populace to prevent a panic. so why are they scared?? Besides, if the panic is only going to last an hour...why not just make a worldwide announcement and FREAK EVERYONE OUT?
On top of all of that I have deal with shit FALLING DOWN INSTEAD OF UP.
I guess the director never heard the saying "Stop the planet I want to get off". If it did he would.
Sigh....sometimes you watch shit to see if it gets better. Sadly most of the time it doesn't
At least it wasn't a Bo Derek movie.
I just wasted about an hour and a half watching a REALLY bad movie. A movie that no one else has even heard of, a movie that the studio, after making it, said, oh the hell with it lets just put it out on DVD, maybe some sucker will rent it.
The reason that I got to watch this cinematic gem is simple, my mom-in-law thought that she was renting something else. She thought that she rented The Day The Earth Stood Still but what she actually rented was The Day The Earth Stopped. It stars....oh who the hell knows who it stars...a bunch of people that no one has EVER heard of and then those people have extras.
Everyone else in the house had the good sense to leave during the credits, but not me.
This might just be a hidden gem that only I will know about. Then after I have "discovered" this hidden masterpiece, I will be able to smugly recommend to my friends and family, thus gaining accolades for uncovering an Indie masterpiece.
Alas, this is not to be.
The movie is basically this...naked semi-hot alien chick lands on earth packing 666 big ass robots.
Earth bad, must wipe out earthlings before we spread out into universe, so we stop Earth from spinning around using aforementioned big ass robots. HUH???
Earth stops spinning, all big buildings, Ferris wheels and the Eiffel Tower fall down go boom.
Semi hot, now clothed, alien chick sees earth baby being born, decides that Earth people NOT bad, starts Earth spinning again. Earth people learn lesson??? not be bad anymore...THE END!!!
Minor issue here, aside from the fact that the aliens show up naked, semi-hot and looking COMPLETELY HUMAN (mascara and everything). Doesn't the rotation of the Earth keep shit DOWN?! If you stopped the Earth from spinning shouldn't the big buildings fall up?
Aside from the bad acting, the horrible script, the inane dialogue, "your planet has less than an hour to survive, your family is scared, you should be with them" (no shit that's really in there). The fact that the Earth is ending in an hour is a BIG SECRET. It is being held back from the populace to prevent a panic. so why are they scared?? Besides, if the panic is only going to last an hour...why not just make a worldwide announcement and FREAK EVERYONE OUT?
On top of all of that I have deal with shit FALLING DOWN INSTEAD OF UP.
I guess the director never heard the saying "Stop the planet I want to get off". If it did he would.
Sigh....sometimes you watch shit to see if it gets better. Sadly most of the time it doesn't
At least it wasn't a Bo Derek movie.
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