Mythbusters and Grey Goose

Well...lovely wife worked to make a cool looking blog page, my lovely niece encouraged me to put something on it...so here I sit, thoughts bouncing around like a ping pong ball in a cement mixer. What shall I pontificate on? What razor sharp analysis of the human condition shall I put out for the world (or at least my friends and family members) to see? Hmmm well tonight I feel about as deep as a birdbath so I think that I'll start with........ MYTHBUSTERS!
I am, I freely admit, semi addicted to the Discovery Channel. I love this stuff, everything from Blue Planet to Deadliest Catch. From Survivorman to How it's Made. One of my favorites is Mythbusters. I recently saw an episode that tested the myth that VODKA will effectively combat foot odor.
Now this was of some interest to me because I have been told, in the past...by nearly everyone..., that I have stinky feet. I find that hard to believe myself but I am willing to suspend my disbelief, because as Carlin said "everyone's farts smell bad but your own". So maybe it's the same for feet.
Actually if I am being honest I will admit to a small bit of foot stinkyness because I have seen people hold a full garbage bag to their nose to combat the smell of my socks. And my mom and step mom have been known on more than one occasion to just give up and buy those large economy sized Bag-O-Socks rather than chase all of mine down, beat them into submission and throw them in the wash. But I digress.
In my callow youth I did pull one of the best, read meanest, practical jokes of all times on a roommate. I put this out for all to read in the hope that some other callow youth will read this and use the knowledge gained herein wisely.
But first, you have to understand that I did NOT start the practical joke war. It started the usual way SOMEONE dumping a GIANT pot of ice water on someone else who was taking a hot, steamy shower...and then we have escalation. There is no real point in going through the mayhem that ensued. All that is really needed is an understanding that there were cigarette loads, Vaseline, shaving cream, more Vaseline, condoms, mashed potatoes, calls to friends, employers and girlfriends...the usual pranks that all red blooded American boys engage in at some time or another...but then there was THE MOMENT.
Something, some inner primeval guardian, a survival instinct that must be encoded on our DNA jolted me out of a sound slumber early one morning. As my eyes flew open what do I see but my roommate, in mid -sneak coming into my room with a pan of warm water.
Everyone that has ever pulled this trick on someone knows that the theory behind the warm water is this. You come upon an unsuspecting sound sleeper, dip their hand into aforementioned water and the sleeper will lose bladder control thus wetting himself to the general hilarity of all watching. Pretty good you say, a great joke to pull on someone in the midst of a joke war....BUT consider this before you laugh....at the time I was a broke kid that had no real mattress and was sleeping on an old FEATHER MATTRESS with not one sheet to my name. Instead I had A SLEEPING BAG....and that's it.
I was APPALLED that my roommate would stoop to such a low and nasty trick. But instead of getting angry... escalation.
I added a key lock to my bedroom and started playing basketball....every day...for two weeks...in the summer...in Florida....in the same pair of socks.
You may not be able to smell your own gaseous emissions, but take my word for it after a few days in the same pair of sweat socks, in a small bedroom, with limited air movement, you can definitely smell the funk.
I would wake thinking...I thought I put my socks in the closet....what are they doing drinking out of the toilet? I had a hamster that disappeared during this time and I swear that one of the socks had a lump in it one morning.
After a week they start to get stiff and you can lean them in the corner. After 10 days if you don't double bag them in plastic you start hallucinating like you've dropped some really bad acid or ate few to many magic mushrooms. After two weeks even I couldn't stand it anymore....so I stuck them in Sherman's pillowcase...and waited.
I will never forget the first night...I stayed up late watching the tube and listened to him getting ready for bed. Straining for any sound, I detect, tossing, turning, gasps for air and finally an "OH MY GOD!!! Striving to contain my mirth I yell out "is everything OK?" He comes stomping back out to the living room and tells me that he thinks a rat has DIED in his room. Being a good friend I help him move all of his furniture around in an attempt to locate the deceased, alas to no avail. Still chuckling I head to bed and on to work the next day.
When I return home from work I am greeted by the sound of sawing coming from Sherm's room. I peek in and find that the search for Jimmy Hoffa has been going on in my absence. Sherman has pulled off all of the base boards in his room and is cutting HOLES IN THE WALL trying to find the rat carcass. He knows that it has to be in the east side of the room (near the headboard) because that is where the smell is the worst.
At this point I have a dilemma, do I confess or let him proceed with dismantling the edifice in which we dwell.....of course I let the construction/destruction proceed. I retire to the living room pour myself a drink and congratulate myself on my resounding victory in the joke war (even though my victim is as yet unaware that a joke has been played). It wasn't until 4 days later when he did laundry that he discovered what really happened...as I recall he was nearly homicidal but he did calm down after I promised to buy him new pillows (he burned the old ones). I helped him put up new drywall in the bedroom and life resumed to the usual routine.
Now I said all of that to say this...does VODKA really stop malodorous foot emissions? According to Mythbusters this old wives tale really does have merit.
I have noticed that as I have gotten older that my feet seem to emit less of a noxious cloud. So after watching this episode I started to wonder if the Vodka that I have consumed over the years is battling foot odor from the INSIDE. Have the odor killing molecules in the Vodka somehow attached themselves to smelly foot enzymes in my body and have been systematically attacking them before they have a chance to go out into the world and assault the nostrils of the innocent?
If this is indeed the fact then think of the new Grey Goose ad campaign.
Drink Grey Goose, makes you more attractive to the opposite sex (if they have had a few), makes you a better singer (if you have had a few) makes you wittier (if everyone has had a few) and.....reduces foot odour (you have spell odour this way... it is a Grey Goose ad after all)
I think I should send this in, you never know it just might be the ad campaign that they have been looking for.